YOU HAVE TWO COWS

Economic Models and Business Strategies explained with Cows,
COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk
SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes one of them and gives it to your work-shy neighbour. They laugh in your face
NAZISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you,,,
BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for the five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheets are provided with the release. The public then buys your bull
A FRENCH CORPORATION; You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, block the roads and set fire to cars, because you want three cows
A JAPANESE CORPORATION; You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide
GERMAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. You don't know where they are, you decide to have lunch
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka
A SWISS CORPORATION; You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them
A CHINESE CORPORATION; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation
AN INDIAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. You worship them
A BRITISH CORPORATION; You have two cows. Both are mad
AN IRAQI CORPORATION; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office for the day and go for a few beers to celebrate
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